Hey fellas, Trying to keep this from getting too sappy, but I just need to get it off my chest. I turned 30 a few days ago. For the last ten years, I’ve pretty much lived in a cave. I’ve had partners here and for company, but otherwise, it’s been a life of total solitude. I haven’t had a friend to just sit down and grab a beer with since I was 19. I sacrificed everything to build my “bigger picture” friends, events, milestones, celebrations, experiences… you name it, I passed on it. It was all for the long game. On paper, I won. I’ve built a net worth of $2.5M across property, businesses, and ETFs. I make $180k working in health management. But for the last six months, nearly every weekend looks the same, I pull into my driveway, sit in the car, and dread going inside because I know there’s no one waiting for me in the house. I sit there fighting back tears because if I let them fall, it makes the reality real. It means I need people, people I just don’t have. So I fight it. Every single time. But the reality is, if I get sick, if I buy a house, if I get a promotion, or if something crazy happens to me on the road… anything at all, good or bad, there is literally no one in my life I can call to share or have my back. Three weeks ago, I met a girl and thought, this is it. But I quickly realized she wasn’t treating me right and I had to walk away. It hit me way harder than it should have. Now, I’m about to take a job on the absolute edge of the country, away from everything and everyone. Once again, I have no one. I just want to feel like someone actually has my back. I know I have a lot, and I’m genuinely grateful for it but I always thought by 30 I’d have a wife and kids. Instead, I’m constantly haunted by this weird feeling that I haven’t accomplished enough. Up until six months ago, I was full of gratitude every day. I thought I was bulletproof. But lately, I’ve started finding the idea of just leaving it all behind… peaceful. It scares me because those thoughts have never entered my mind before. I just want to find a way to keep them at bay and get back on track. I’ve soldiered on happily for a decade, and I hate feeling like this. I feel guilty and ungrateful even typing it out, knowing how many people are doing it tough right now. I know the immediate response is going to be “just go make some friends” "money isnt everything " i am aware of this But where I’m at right now, that is so much easier said than done. I don’t know man. I’m just finding it really hard these days. submitted by /u/shenanigan9611
Originally posted by u/shenanigan9611 on r/AskMen