I’m a married woman in my 30s with two very young children. I’ve been separated from my husband for about five weeks and am staying with my parents while I try to determine whether I’m making a terrible mistake—or finally acknowledging that my marriage is unhealthy. I need honest male perspectives. My husband has called me a “bitch,” “dumbass,” “selfish,” “spoiled rotten c*nt” “POS,” and worse. He has screamed at me, sometimes in front of our children. There have also been threats of violence. I’m not claiming I’m blameless. I’ve said and done things I regret, and I’ve spent the past couple of years working on my own behavior. But I don’t know whether that changes the central issue: Are insults, intimidation, threats, and physical aggression things spouses are expected to tolerate in a long-term marriage? My husband wants me to come home so we can “fix” the marriage. He recently started therapy, but I haven’t seen much accountability for what led me to leave. I hear more about what I need to change and about keeping the family together than acknowledgment of the harm he caused or a clear plan to ensure it won’t happen again. I still love him, and I desperately want our children to have their family together. But I’m afraid that staying “for the kids” may teach them that this is what love and marriage look like. So, men of Reddit: Have you treated a partner this way? If so, did you genuinely change—and what did real accountability look like? Is this behavior common or acceptable in marriage, especially after having children? Or have I normalized abuse by calling it “a difficult relationship”? I’m not looking for simple validation or a pile-on. I’m trying to understand what is normal, what is potentially fixable, and what no spouse should be expected to accept. submitted by /u/foxes-fleet
Originally posted by u/foxes-fleet on r/AskMen