In high school, I attached myself to a group of weed-smoking “burnout” goofballs. There I was, skipping class, breaking into abandoned buildings… my parents were worried sick. I even dropped out during the first year of the pandemic, which was supposed to be when I graduated. I’m 23 now, and long story short, I turned shit around. Hard. I ended up finding a cashier job, quitting weed, getting medicated for ADHD, finishing high school, and getting into university. Soon, I found an amazing girlfriend who I’m still with 4 years later. I fell in love with my studies, too, and grad school is now on the table. I’ve even been working out and reading - things that used to be inconceivable to my teenaged attention span. You get the picture. I’m on the up-and-up, and while progress hasn’t exactly been linear, there’s a consistent upward pattern in all dimensions of my life except one: my friends. Ohhhh man. When I go back home and hang out with these guys, it’s like staring into a scary alternate future. Most of them are still heavy stoners who didn’t take university seriously, and they’re all in retail. They have primitive views on women because they’ve never had serious relationships. I can’t really tell them about my life because… what would I say? They take almost nothing seriously. I’ve even gotten sick of the music we listen to together - the same hedonistic rap that I’ve been hearing since I was 15. I graduated and moved back home this spring, and the transition has been brutal. I was so preoccupied with school, the gym, and my relationship that I didn’t hugely expand my social network. My girlfriend had been warning me to find some new friends for years now, and I wish I’d listened to her more while I was in school. It feels like I just missed my last big chance at meeting relatively well-adjusted people who are around my age. I live in a big city, so there’s that “leave me alone” energy that can feel oppressive in public. And grad school is still a few years out for me because I need to save and build work experience… even then, it’s not the most social environment. Last night, after awkwardly sitting around and watching them smoke blunts on a balcony before watching a godawful horror movie, I finally decided it’s time for a change. “You are who you surround yourself with,” as the old saying goes. I’m looking for advice here because I feel like it’s pretty common for men to have ‘growing pains’ like this. Do I cut them off? That feels too aggressive. How do I meet new people now? I hate feeling alone, but this group sometimes makes me feel even more lonely. TLDR: Feel like I’m stuck hanging out with my high school stoner friends despite having nothing in common with them, but I didn’t really take advantage of social opportunities in university. Looking for advice about next steps, and wondering if this has happened to any of you guys. submitted by /u/MinionIsVeryFunny
Originally posted by u/MinionIsVeryFunny on r/AskMen