I am going to put this in r/relationshipadvice as well, but wanted to engage fellow men. I (28M) started dating a girl (25F) who I met months ago at a sort of mental heath retreat. She sent me a message online (crazy cuz that never happens) and we’ve been talking and going out since. I have been through a a decent amount of crap throughout my life, not the worst, but not the best either. I really care for this girl. She is kind, caring, and loving. She doesn’t judge me for the struggles I have endured, and I don’t judge, nor want to judge her for hers. That said, she has a lot of trauma from family and past relationships. So far we have set up great boundaries and communicate exceptionally well. No secrets and not bottle up emotions, etc… I try not to compare but she arguably (and forgive me idk how to word this) has had a much worse life than me on many fronts… physical, sexual, emotional, you name it she has probably experienced it and that breaks my heart. For the men out there: how have you dealt with your partner’s past trauma to support them, while also preserving yourself? How do you juggle wanting to be an instrument of vengeance toward the people who hurt them? Edit: I don’t feel those impulses but I am very protective. I think naturally we can feel like that kind of vengeance would be justifiable when those we love and care about are wronged so greatly. That part was just a bit of anger/sadness on my part, not actionable. I want to stay as far away from the people who hurt her as possible. Edit 2: Trauma isn’t all we talk about, far from it… if we have bad days, sure we talk about triggers or whatever, and that may lead to discussions about things that happened. We aren’t just “trauma bonding.” submitted by /u/NefariousMongoose
Originally posted by u/NefariousMongoose on r/AskMen
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