Why is it that for many women emotional intimacy, affection, feeling loved, and feeling genuinely desired need to come before sex in order for sex to actually feel enjoyable and meaningful, whereas men can sometimes seem much more driven toward the physical aspect of sex first and experience intimacy through the sexual act itself? For me personally sex is only truly enjoyable when there is a strong sense of intimacy and loving affection behind it. I want to feel like my partner was thinking about ME, noticed how attractive I am, felt connected to me, and intentionally wanted to make love to ME, rather than simply being horny and wanting sex. Is this part of why women can sometimes feel like they are being treated as “a hole” or as a way for their partner to satisfy a physical need, rather than feeling desired as a whole person? And because men are often the primary initiators of sex in heterosexual relationships, can their way of expressing intimacy and desire sometimes come across to women as lust, even when the man may actually be experiencing that sexual desire as a form of affection, love, or emotional connection? In other words, are men and women sometimes seeking the same intimacy but approaching it from opposite directions…where a woman may need intimacy to want sex, while a man may use sex as a way to create* or experience intimacy? Do men typically experience sexual desire because they are specifically thinking about or desiring their wife or girlfriend, or is it more of a spontaneous physical urge outside of their partner, where they simply seek out the person they have access to at that moment? In other words when a man initiates sex because he is horny, is he usually thinking, “I want her specifically,” because he is attracted to and emotionally connected to her, or is it more *“I’m horny and I want sex.” submitted by /u/AnalystPast5001
Originally posted by u/AnalystPast5001 on r/AskMen