31M, immigrant have been living in NL for 5 years now, came to do my phd, now doing a post doc. Don’t have much hope for a good career, don’t think I’ve been good researcher despite putting all my effort. Live alone and haven’t been lucky finding a partner for years. I feel my neck and joints since some time ago. tried therapists and psychiatrists and haven’t felt much improvement. For the past years I had suicidal ideations but have not done anything serious cause of not having access to efficient means for that. I’m feeling more and more lonely as my (formerly) close friends get busier with their lives. don’t have any hobbies that make me distracted from these thoughts. I feel terrible when get high heartbeat every now and then when loads of these thoughts come up. I have strong belief that everyone hates me and things will go wrong. I hope I could pause life for some time and see my family. I’m from Iran by the way, and cannot easily do that with all the war shit going on. submitted by /u/Hairy_Horror_7646
Originally posted by u/Hairy_Horror_7646 on r/AskMen
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