I’m 22M, and I’ve become pretty close to a girl in my college class. When we first became friends, I genuinely saw her only as a friend, but over about a month I became emotionally attached. We started talking a lot—sometimes for hours every day. I helped her with assignments, presentations, etc., and we became pretty comfortable with each other. The problem is that she already has a boyfriend, and she has always been clear that she is happy with him. Eventually, I decided to tell her how I felt. She told me very clearly that she doesn’t have feelings for me and sees me only as a friend. I accepted that and didn’t try to convince her otherwise. Since then, though, the friendship has felt very different. There are days in a row where we don’t even say hi. She seems closer to some of our other classmates now, and I sometimes feel like I’m the one putting effort into keeping the friendship alive. The difficult part is that I am still thinking about her constantly—why she isn’t messaging me, why her replies are shorter, whether I’ve done something wrong, etc. She does still reply when I message her, and she has always said she wants me as a friend. So I don’t think she’s deliberately trying to hurt me or cut me off. I’ve started trying not to initiate conversations all the time and just letting things happen naturally. But I’m confused about whether that’s actually healthy. Part of me thinks: “If I stop initiating, I’ll find out whether she actually wants me in her life as a friend.” Another part of me thinks: “That’s basically testing her, and friendships shouldn’t work like that.” I don’t want to punish her, make her feel guilty, interfere with her relationship, or act cold just because she rejected me. I also don’t want to keep over-investing in someone when I’m clearly becoming emotionally dependent on the friendship. One of my male friends knows the situation and has actually been trying to help me get my mind off her and meet other people. He thinks I should stop making her the center of my attention and build other friendships instead. So for guys who have experienced something similar: What is the healthiest way to handle this? Should I continue behaving normally and initiate conversations when I genuinely want to, or should I step back and let the friendship find its natural level? I’m not looking for advice on how to get her to like me. I already know she doesn’t, and I respect that. I’m trying to figure out how to manage my own attachment without becoming resentful toward her or completely destroying a friendship that still matters to me. EDIT: is there any message or anything which i should write to her, like things have definitely gotten awkward between us even if we did not intended to, or something like maybe we should give some space to each other and see how things work out??? Any other please tell… submitted by /u/cool_hms
Originally posted by u/cool_hms on r/AskMen