Background: I (25F) have a friend (26M) named Jack. We both went to a large SEC school. My sophomore year, I lived in a house off campus with some girls in my sorority, and he lived in a house next door with some of his fraternity brothers, and we eventually all became very close friends. The stereotype that average men can get with 9s and 10s at SEC schools is very real. And when I met Jack and his roommates, they were very much in a “playboy” era. However, at the end of junior year and into senior year, many of Jack’s friends started to lock in and get serious girlfriends. Objectively, I would say most of these girls were out of their leagues (and many of the guys agree that they are very lucky). The girls they started dating were/are very beautiful, feminine, bubbly, put-together, smart, southern belle types. And since graduation, they’ve all done well in their careers whether they went to medical school, became accountants, school teachers, nurses, etc. However, Jack decided to continue the “playboy” lifestyle till graduation. The problem now is many of our friends are starting to get engaged and married to the girls they started dating in college. Jack says he’s also ready to enter into that stage of life and wants to settle down. However, for the past year and a half, Jack has complained to me that he hasn’t been able to find a girlfriend like the ones his friends are dating/married too. And I’m not sure how to tell him that all those types of girls are either in committed relationships at this point or are out of his league. Jack is 5’8, has gained quite a bit of weight since college, but has a decent job as an engineer. In college, he had no problems pulling girls who were 8/9/10s, and he expects to do the same post grad. There just doesn’t seem to be a nice way to tell him that we are no longer in the SEC college “bubble”, and he needs to lower his standards. I think he compares himself to some of his college friends - they are similar in appearance and career wise - and sees them with their girlfriend and wives and expects that he can do the same. I just don’t know how to tell him, if he wanted a girl like that he should have started dating her 4 years ago. **Edit - FOR MORE CONTEXT >> He also created a groupchat with me and another one of my old roommates (who use to be his neighbor) and has been venting about his dating life and looking for advice (bc he said he wanted girls’ perspectives). His struggle to find a girlfriend when he wants to settle down has been causing him a lot of unhappiness and I’m not sure how to tell him his standards are the problem here I specifically realized that his standards were the issue when the other girl and I went through his hinge with him to try and help out. All the girls we thought would be a good match, he didn’t want to like. He only wanted to send likes to girls that I am sure get 100s of matches a day. They were cute girls but not what he was use to in college and what he expects he can pull based on his friends relationship. (He literally said “I’ve been with girls x10 hotter than her in college” at one point when we wanted him to match with a girl we thought would be good for him. He also frequently says why can’t I find a girl like (insert friend’s name) girlfriend/wife.) His maturity in this situation is also probably a factor. Also, I am engaged to everyone thinking I want to be with him. submitted by /u/Alone_Bell594
Originally posted by u/Alone_Bell594 on r/AskMen