I’m a senior associate (attorney) at a fairly large regional law firm and am up for partner at the end of this year…but Instead of feeling excited about it, I’m increasingly burned out, anxious, and wondering whether I’m actually ready for it. It has gotten to the point that I am terrified of making mistakes, even small ones, and I spiral and get tripped up on every single project I have. I feel like I’m drowning and even typing this out I can feel my chest getting tight and I feel like throwing up. This is a near daily experience now. My recent annual review was generally positive about my trajectory, but the biggest feedback was similar to feedback I’ve gotten over my entire career (which I completely accept the criticism and think it’s fair feedback): I need to slow down and improve my quality control. Over the course of my time at the firm, I have consistently received this feedback and still can’t figure out the best way to improve and stop making these same minor mistakes. Recently, had some more of these small misses that, while not catastrophic, are things someone at my level should be catching. One of those relatively minor mistakes happened on a contract for a major firm client that I’ve historically handled a lot of transactions for with little oversight. It was a miss, that I was fully accountable for and presented solutions for fixing it. It shouldn’t have happened, but it was not catastrophic in that we caught it before it got further out to sea and we could resolve it easily with an amendment. However, after I presented this to the senior managing partner (who is also my firm mentor), he basically told me he needed to protect his own compensation and couldn’t keep worrying about or fixing work that should be handled correctly by me when I’m entering my partnership year. Since that conversation about a month ago, I’ve received essentially no new work for that client, or from that partner/mentor…and I can see much younger associates getting these matters that I previously would have been trusted to handle. Nobody ever told me I’m “off” the client or explained whether this is temporary or permanent. The partner never even had a direct conversation with me about it beyond what he said right after. Still, this client contacts me directly with questions, so I’m not even sure what my role is supposed to be. To add to me mental anguish, the same partner/mentor straight up told me last week that he sees no reason I won’t be voted in as a partner this year. That combination has really messed with my confidence. I’m simultaneously being told I’m ready to become a partner while watching a significant source of my work disappear because that senior partner apparently lost confidence in me. I feel like I’ve been running a marathon and tripped right before the finish line, totally muffing my victory. I’m starting to freak out. What if I make partner and don’t have enough work? What if other partners stop trusting me with matters? What if I can’t generate enough value to justify my compensation? I’ve fallen into a horrible spiral I can’t get out of. I put enormous pressure on myself to be responsive, efficient, and fast. But I’m also overwhelmed, occasionally miss something, feel terrible about it, lose confidence, then put even more pressure on myself to prove I’m actually competent. I’m just exhausted and my confidence in every area of my life is shot. I’m second-guessing even the simplest work I used to feel comfortable doing, worrying constantly about how partners and clients perceive me, and bringing way too much of that anxiety home. I have a wife and young kids, and I hate trying to be physically present with them while mentally I’m still at work or otherwise worrying about whether everything in my life is falling apart… Have anyone else (lawyer or not) gone through something similar, especially around the time of a big career transition? Have you ever lost the trust of bosses or clients or had work taken away after mistakes? Did you address it directly, and were you able to rebuild that trust? Did you have a period where your confidence completely cratered, and how did you rebuild your own confidence? Any advice or encouragement from folks who have been there would be appreciated. I don’t know what else to do right now and don’t know how much longer I can sit in this funk. submitted by /u/CheesecakeOk9239
Originally posted by u/CheesecakeOk9239 on r/AskMen