Hey everyone, I’m a guy in college, and I’ve noticed a recurring pattern in how people perceive me that I’m trying to understand I’m naturally calm, reserved, and introverted, but I’m not socially awkward, I have solid friendships with other guys, and I have a sharp sense of humor, people often start laughing before I even finish my joke, I can be quite engaging without talking much, and I tend to be quiet unless I have something meaningful to say When it comes to women, they often seem intimidated to approach me at first because I don’t give off needy signals and can be fairly cold, yet, the moment that ice is broken, they suddenly perceive me as exceptionally “harmless”, as though I have no boundaries or am incapable of pushing back For example, last semester, a girl in my class seemed interested but hesitant, she subtly kept her foot touching mine under the desk for days, and tried talking to the guy next to me, near the end of the term, she gathered the courage to ask if I was in her class, even though we saw each other daily, then, when an awkward situation happened to me in class, she immediately spoke up loudly in front of the professor and students, defending my character and calling me someone with “good intentions”, acting like a close friend, crossing into my personal space with zero embarrassment, seemingly assuming I’d never call her out This pattern isn’t limited to her, my brother told me he literally can’t imagine me ever doing anything bad, and my mother described me as completely harmless, strangers sometimes get unusually comfortable putting a hand on my shoulder, or openly discussing wild personal secrets right in front of me, assuming I’m an entirely safe vault Just yesterday, I was hanging out with some friends in a campus square, after they left, I stood there alone reading on my phone, completely detached from my surroundings, ignoring the crowd, when another friend arrived and we walked toward the stairs, a girl behind me deliberately kicked the back of my shoe, she and her friend then trailed behind us, giggling and laughing for five straight minutes, incidents like this almost always happen when they’re in pairs or groups Please don’t mistake this for me being weak or a pushover, that’s not what this is, it’s more that, morally speaking, people seem to assume I’m incapable of being malicious, rude, or retaliatory Why might someone project such an intensely “safe / harmless” impression before others even know them, what micro-signals, facial resting expressions, posture, or nonverbal cues contribute to people assuming you won’t enforce your boundaries, and how can I project a firmer, more deterrent aura without becoming hostile How can I fix or adjust this aura? Any insights would be appreciated submitted by /u/Mohammed_444
Originally posted by u/Mohammed_444 on r/AskMen