I(25 f) and female friend of the same age have been friends since around 2021. We met in a college class and got closer post pandemic and college graduation. We live about 20-30 mins away from each other by drive so we’re able to see each other. She does text me pretty often and keep in contact generally. A couple years back maybe in ‘23? I texted her a calm text and explained I’m not angry or upset but that I noticed I tend to initiate our plans almost anytime we have a hang out. I don’t mind asking friends to hang out, but it is a pet peeve of mine when it’s only me asking all the time. She took it very poorly/ got very anxious etc. she also misunderstood what I meant and took a couple days to process. I guess it overwhelmed her, and she needed space from me. We met up around 2 weeks later (per her request) talked about it calmly and we were fine and didn’t even argue just spoke like to adults trying to understand each other and find a solution… and she apologized eventually saying she’d get better at it. She did start to ask me to hang out more first after that discussion, but after a while she stopped and I didn’t really notice until it happened more frequently as the years went on. She’d even say to me that she didn’t like to take trips to our college town (when I mentioned we should take a weekend trip) and only with her boyfriend because he hikes a lot, but then recently went with a friend and didn’t even do any hiking just hung out and also complained about how rude her friend was to me, like the last time they took a trip - so it’s just confusing. Anyways, on the phone yesterday when she was negatively discussing the trip with her friend, she randomly brought up saying how she feels overwhelmed to ask me to hang out because she can “tell” that I am a busy person because I’m always up to something and thinks it’s better not to ask me at all. I still don’t get what she means by that to be honest, but I said to her how she can totally ask me to hang out and even if I or she is busy who cares we can just find a day at another time. She likes to ask her other friends to hang out so tbh I’m very confused by her telling me this and don’t know what to think of it. She said maybe it’s because she grew up with an small friend group and didn’t have many friends in general even now so she feels she shouldn’t ask me to hang out … but to me that doesn’t make sense at all since again, she asks other friends to. Also she tends to be more busy than I do so I’m not sure why she is feeling that way. She said she also stopped going to therapy due to costs and how I helped her see that maybe this is her own insecurity. She joked that we’ve been avoiding asking each other to hang out, but I denied that since I’ve really just been waiting for her to ask me since I have asked her every time this\ last year. She’d say she misses me but then doesn’t ask. She also mentioned how I shot down a day she brought up last week, but it was sudden and I was working overtime that day. She said she didn’t have her schedule for the next weekend and thought that meant she’d let me know but never did but she brought it up like as if I was supposed to check in on that? How would you go about this? At the end of the call, she said we’ll find a day and I ended up asking her about a day next week since I only have 2 free days but yeah… thoughts? So confusing for me since I thought we were fine after we discussed this in the past. submitted by /u/Mission_Remote_6319
Originally posted by u/Mission_Remote_6319 on r/AskGirls