So I’ve been dating this man for quite some time now. He’s honestly the sweetest and most thoughtful person I’ve been with, and I actually see a future with him. Whenever I’m with him, I just feel so much more grounded and relaxed. We complement each other inasmuch as he brings out my more laidback side that just enjoys a night in, while I bring out his more outgoing and adventurous side. We love each other, and we’ve said it before. And since things have gotten serious between us, he’s started to pay for for dinner more often than he did and asks me if I’d like him to pay for my cab to or from his place because he knows it’s sometimes pricey and that I don’t make as much as he does. When my dog was really sick and needed surgery, he knew I was stressing over the vet bills and even offered to help me (I didn’t let him, though – I wanted to figure out how to take care of my furbaby all on my own, which all worked out fine). I guess in some ways our relationship has trended toward a more “traditional” lane (at least in terms of gender roles). And it’s a little funny because we’re both pretty progressive and joke a lot about the “woman-submit-to-your-husband!!” types. I feel kind of torn because on one hand, I think it’s so kind of him to look after me in this way especially because I didn’t really grow up in the most stable home (emotionally and financially). My dad had a drinking problem and my mom wasn’t always present because she was always working. We weren’t poor or anything. But my family lived paycheck-to-paycheck. And I still sort of do, but I’m able to take care of myself and my bills all on my own. And his background is basically opposite of mine. His family is pretty well off and he makes twice as much as I do. So having someone who makes me feel cared for and looked after is both new to me and something I’ve grown to really appreciate because I didn’t really have that growing up. But at the same time… because I have sort of had to look after and basically fend for myself since high school and throughout college, I’ve always felt a bit uneasy about accepting help or generosity from people. Idk. It’s not even because I feel dependent on someone or like I’m losing my agency because I’m really not. I guess part of me sometimes feels like if I let a man buy me dinner or pay for my ride, I’m indebted to him? I know it’s not the case, but that is sort of where my brain goes to (I’m in therapy and I’m working on it!). I wasn’t really sure where I was going with this. But I guess my question is what do you guys think is the difference between being a gold digger and just wanting to be with someone who’s able to help provide you with the stability you never really had? In a relationship where you take on the role of a provider or where you tend to pay for the dates more often than your wife or girlfriend does, how do you want to be taken care of? Like what will make you feel like it’s still a 50-50 relationship where you guys are still both taking care of each other? submitted by /u/queerluminati
Originally posted by u/queerluminati on r/AskMen