My little brother recently started high school, and he’s 13. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed a pretty significant change in his behaviour. He’s become increasingly quiet and withdrawn. He used to be quite mischievous, always getting into little things he wasn’t supposed to, but lately, he barely seems to smile or joke around anymore. For context, my parents have always been significantly more physically abusive towards the boys in our family. My older brother and I grew up experiencing physical punishment quite frequently whenever we did something wrong, and I’ve noticed that my younger brother is subjected to the same treatment.Although the physical abuse has become less frequent over the years, my parents still physically discipline him once in a while, which I find completely unacceptable. On top of that, there’s the constant lecturing and criticism, particularly from my mum, even over relatively minor things. I’m 18 now, and my little brother is five years younger than me. Something else that’s made me particularly concerned is that I went through a similar experience at his age. When I started high school, I also moved to a completely different environment and started attending a Catholic school. It was a pretty difficult adjustment, and I remember developing some really unhealthy coping mechanisms during that period. I started self-harming and developed a pretty severe eating disorder, which I’m still struggling with on and off today. I think that’s partly why I’ve been picking up on these changes in him. I remember what it felt like to be that age, struggling with things I didn’t know how to communicate and feeling like I didn’t really have anyone I could talk to. I don’t want him to end up in a similar situation, especially where he feels like he has to deal with everything on his own. Although my parents don’t use physical punishment nearly as much as they used to, they’re still quite strict, particularly my mum. She tends to lecture him constantly, even over relatively small things like forgetting to make his bed or leaving his room messy. I understand that parents have expectations, but I sometimes feel like the constant criticism is excessive, especially when he’s still just a kid figuring things out. Last year, when he was 12, he actually tried to run away from home. I was shocked, and I genuinely thought it would make my parents reconsider how they treated him. Unfortunately, things seem to have gone in the opposite direction. They’re even stricter now, and sometimes my mum will bring up the incident during her “lectures”, saying things like, “You wanted to run away? Go ahead, run away. I don’t care anymore.” Another thing I’ve been concerned about is his experience at school. We’re in a predominantly white area in Australia, and my brother is mixed. He’s told me that some of his friends make comments about his appearance, particularly his hair. I’ve encouraged him not to put up with that kind of behaviour and to branch out and meet other kids, including other kids of colour, but I also understand that making friends isn’t always that simple. He’s told me he has a good group of friends, so I don’t want to make assumptions about his social life either. I’ve been trying to support him in little ways. I regularly remind him that he’s doing well at school, that he’s a good kid, and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Whenever my mum lectures him, I try to reassure him afterwards that he hasn’t done anything unforgivable and that everyone makes mistakes. I’ve also recently started a new job, so I’ve been thinking about using some of my income to take him out and spend more one-on-one time together. Maybe going to the cinema, getting food, trying new activities or just having days where he can get out of the house and enjoy himself without worrying about getting into trouble. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to support him during this period. I don’t want him to feel like he’s dealing with everything alone, and I want him to know that he has someone he can turn to without being judged or lectured. Especially for men who grew up in strict households, or who struggled during their early teenage years, what would have made you feel supported by an older sibling? Did you want someone to actively check in on you, spend time with you, give you space, or simply listen without judging? I want to be that person for my brother, but I’m also aware that what I needed at his age might not necessarily be what he needs. I really love my little brother, and I just want to make sure he knows that. submitted by /u/Commercial_Green_373
Originally posted by u/Commercial_Green_373 on r/AskMen