This is my first time posting in this subreddit, basically I was raised in a dysfunctional family when my alcoholic and violent dad was the center of everything in the family, from our misery to our mental scars that are living in us. I met a very beautiful, charming and true loving woman when I was young and we were together from 12 years until I decided to break up because I was harming her and she was really into me because I basically helped her family, raised her in almost every area of her life, from how to socialize, job skills and debelope financial independency. The problem is that I felt overcharged and she was depressed, I had a ton of things in my shoulders to deal with and developed anger issues that were dormant in my childhood. I discharged this anger and emotional issues we people used to love me, being narcissistic and antisocial, I was pushing myself to accomplish something that was making me unhappy and at a point, didn’t know I was spending so much energy trying to save one relationship, that I neglected myself and the other relationships around me. I lost friends, I lost the trust of people, I did a lot of horrible things to someone that loved me, that person still loves me but I had to cut out everything because she had a huge fascination with me since I was practically her brother, father and boyfriend. Now I am alone, in part I feel better, because I am not lying, manipulating or doing the impossible for someone else that harms me because I didn’t measure my own limits (I always blamed the other one once the struggle hits or something fails). But on the other hand, being alone has been difficult, I was so used to being with people around but got tired of always doing almost everything. I sometimes ask myself, will I ever be able to truly love someone? Or is it always the same thing as “to give and expect”? I’ve been in therapy these few months and the amount of stress and commitment I had in my mind was so huge that blinded me from who I am or what I want. I am struggling when I remember what I did, but I need to continue, I am not sure what the journey is waiting for me, if I will be single all my life, if I will be able to truly love and be patient with people. I have so many questions and challenges that it hurts a lot, and hurts even more that I forced myself to explain to people that truly love me, that they don’t have to do that and have to open their eyes. Those who once loved me, are suffering in silence but at the same time healing. I have to change to be valuable enough for myself and stop hating me for what I did. Usually the abuser hardly changes, but I have people wishing me to change, I want to change to be with them. How was your process on similar cases? I would like to learn if you changed and were able to recover what you almost lost, or if you completely lost someone and moved on understanding that is the best for both. My ex and my ex best friend (she was also another lovely person who was helping me with the relationship and also abused her trust and integrity as a person) both still have hope on me because I treated my ex very well the last 4 years (that was not the case of my ex best friend, which I used her to discharge my frustration of my relationship, basically she was someone who was holding someone’s else mistakes) but was really demanding for me since everyone had scars from the past (how I was with both and how my family raised me), at the end, it wasn’t working so I took the hard decision to end this from the root, myself, so I decided to end any close relationship to its end until I learn how to love or if I am not mean to do so. submitted by /u/Yamboa
Originally posted by u/Yamboa on r/AskMen
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