I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationship that genuinely confuses me. When I’m very loving and attentive, cooking for him, buying him gifts, being extra gentle and affectionate, he becomes distant or outright mean. There was a period where I would cook him breakfast, lunch and dinner for work exactly how he said he liked it. He wouldn’t eat it. No explanation, just ignored it. Kind of started expecting it, and being unappreciative, saying cooking isn’t that hard, whilst he can’t cook ANYTHING… Another time I spent around £50 on his favourite foods because he’s usually the one buying mine and I wanted to reciprocate. That whole week he was cold, argumentative and didn’t touch any of it. When I’m being extra kind, he’s more likely to start arguments, call me names, belittle me, or raise his voice. It feels like the softer I am, the harsher he becomes. But when I pull back, everything flips. When I’m blunt, less accommodating, and focused on myself, he becomes attentive. He invites me on dates, buys me things, does my favourite activities. If I ignore him and do my own thing, he chases. If I leave instead of arguing when he’s shouting, he softens. If I buy myself something, he buys me more. But when I buy him something, he says thanks and then becomes stingier with me. It almost feels like he respects me more when I’m distant and prioritising myself, but loses respect when I’m openly loving and giving. I don’t think I’m intentionally playing games. I naturally pull back when I feel unappreciated. But the contrast is so consistent it feels like a pattern. Why would someone respond better to distance than kindness? One strange detail I’ve noticed, and I don’t know if this is relevant or coincidence, is that when I was brunette he was more laid back and let me take the lead in our plans. When I went blonde, he started lowkey treating me like I was naive or childish. More condescending, more dismissive. I don’t know if that’s projection, perception, or just me reading into it. But the shift in how he responded to me felt noticeable. submitted by /u/Pppppppppppppp_pppp
Originally posted by u/Pppppppppppppp_pppp on r/AskMen
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