I (32M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for about two years. We were long distance the entire time until recently, when she moved in with me. As expected, the dynamic changed a lot once we started living together. Before, when we visited each other, it was 100% “us time.” Now real life, work, stress, and social circles are mixed in. I run a business, she just started working here. I have an old, established friend group — 3 couples (so 6 people total), all married with kids. About every two weeks we meet at someone’s house, drink wine, play cards, go out to dinner, or occasionally go to a party/club. For them it’s basically kid-free time. I’ve known them for years. We’re close — we share personal stuff, good and bad, and support each other. Here’s the issue: every single time my girlfriend joins, there’s a problem afterward. She says she doesn’t like them. She says she’s antisocial. She barely engages in conversation and can come off blunt or even arrogant. Then later she complains that no one socializes with her. She also criticizes the group dynamic — for example, she doesn’t understand why people share personal things (job problems, marriage struggles, etc.) because she thinks that kind of stuff should stay private. But this is exactly why we’re close — we do share those things. Last time, when we got home, she started shouting at me because during the evening I joked that she talks in her sleep and told them about how surprised I was the first time I noticed it. Everyone laughed. She was furious. That same night, the group invited us on a holiday to Greece — all 8 adults plus kids. I said it sounded nice and that we’d discuss it at home. She gave me a look. At home she said she absolutely does not want to go anywhere with them, especially not with kids. She asked why we can’t just go somewhere alone, the two of us. The thing is, I already booked and paid for a Paris trip for just the two of us. After this argument, she said she doesn’t even want to go to Paris anymore and that I should take a friend or ask for a refund. A month ago something similar happened: I planned a ski trip to Austria for us. When she found out another couple from the group wanted to join, she backed out. I ended up going alone with that couple. Now she says from now on I can see my friends, but she will never join. I can even go to Greece with them, but she’s not coming. I hate this situation. I don’t want to give up my friends. I also don’t want to only go to group events alone while everyone else is there as couples. At the same time, Greece is expensive — if I go with them, I realistically won’t be able to afford a second big vacation with my girlfriend this year. She doesn’t have her own friend circle here. She only sees her cousins occasionally and doesn’t seem interested in building a social life. I feel frustrated and stuck. I want both: couple trips and friend trips. I don’t understand why it has to be one or the other. Is this just incompatibility? Is there something I’m missing? How do you handle a partner who refuses to integrate into your social life at all? submitted by /u/Low-Community5427
Originally posted by u/Low-Community5427 on r/AskMen